From James - He'll Make You All Crack Up

Okay, I need to respond to these items one at a time.

• All this time, I thought you could have power over others. When I get home, I’m going to have to release those people locked up in my basement and apologize.

• Kyoto, isn’t that the treaty that everyone else signed and then no one actually implemented because it was too costly, unverifiable, and allowed the largest polluters (not per capita) to avoid any regulation? You don’t even want to get into the ‘per capita argument’; let’s just have 14 billion more people, and then we won’t have to deal with regulation because our ‘per capita’ pollution will be down to the level of ordinary cow flatulence.

• Bush is to blame for a lot of things, but I think we should put the Gulf oil spill on Cheney. His Halliburton connections probably mean that Halliburton is trying to increase the value of their Mc D’s franchise at the expense of Long John Silver’s. Boy, those guys must use some Super Computers for their planning; you’d think they’d have been able to predict how easily all the conspiracy theorists would catch on to them (especially now that the relationship between Kennedy’s death and Blackwater is pretty much out in the open). Lord knows: XXX saw it coming.

• Those Arabs are trickier than I thought. Cheney and Bush planned everything, but XXX is an Arab company, so they’re getting the advantage. Way to deflect suspicion. Who knew; I figured it was part of a Zionist conspiracy.

• We’ve been fighting over ideology? All this time I thought it was oil (that’s what XXX told me). Funny, now that I think of it, we haven’t gotten any of that free oil yet; I put my order in months ago.

You probably are just realizing it, but I’m an insane, left-wing Republican.