Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Legal Losers – How Corporate Law Really Works

As a summer associate in 1997, the partners at a “large” law firm in D.C. helped derail my law career. When I became so disenchanted with their modus operandi, I chose to JET from the profession (which was my mistake, unfortunately – I admit it wholeheartedly now).

[Aside: I should have worked for the Justice Department – whose attorneys are thrown into court right away; know the rules of Civil Procedure and Evidence inside and out; and are not afraid to enter a courtroom to support their clients with the right cause (as Radar said to Hawkeye: “Ah, Bach!" Alas!).]

Simply and frankly stated: large law firms use their law associates and partners to assault the courts with bogus, frivolous motions to simultaneously draw the resources of their opponents’ monetary supplies while billing, billing, and milking their own clients’ coffers - thereby clogging the court systems.

They are afraid to go to court because they don’t know the Rules of Civil Procedure and Evidence, and because they try to bill hours before each darn case ever gets into Discovery.

I complained to two firm partners that a client docket in Pre-discovery Phase contained six (2-inch) binders. They looked at me like I was a stupid idiot, then peered at my legs (that’s why I don’t wear dresses or skirts anymore); and thereafter ordered salmon and salads at Jaleo’s Restaurant on 7th Street near the Navy Memorial in D.C..

At a firm shindig at a partner’s home in Potomac, Maryland, I turned to the firm’s hiring partner and off-handedly remarked: “This is a nice house.” The hiring partner knew I had thrown in the towel with that stupid law firm. He directly looked into my eyes and with the swiftness and arrogance of a dying dragon’s breath declared: “This is an average house of an average young partner at [the name of the stupid firm]."

I wasn’t impressed. Simply put: I grew up in a much more beautiful house on Château Drive and another one on Piney Meetinghouse Court just down the road from this average young partner’s home in Potomac.


No matter: “the size of the house does not matter – what matters is who lives there.”

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